Sex toys, sex toys, sex toys. What would we do without them? Probably get a lot more hand cramps.
You might well have a raised eyebrow at the title of this blog post, I mean, how could we possibly claim to know what the best sex toy is for you specifically? Pleasure is an incredibly personal thing, so surely what’s best for one person might not tickle the pickle of another. What’s more, our bodies and preferences change, so what once spanked the spot simply might not be doing the job anymore.
The long and short of it is that you’re right, we can’t tell you what toy is best for you personally – that’s a journey of self-discovery for you and your sock drawer collection. But, we can point out the absolute classics that have stood the test of time and continue to grow in popularity.
As much as we encourage innovation in the world of sex toys, some toys have been getting us off for hundreds if not thousands of years… so we see nothing wrong with going back to basics. Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But if it is ‘broke’, maybe consider replacing or upgrading it with one of these trusty and reliable toys…
Dildos
Ahh yes, the humble yet beloved dildo.
A true pillar – ahem – of the sex toy industry and as research would suggest, one of the first representations of male genitalia crafted exclusively for our pleasure. Far before the invention of writing, primitive beings had other priorities on their mind it would seem, like carving stone into dicks and polishing them up nice and smooth for a good old riding.
Leap forward to the time of the Ancient Greeks (approximately 500 BC) and we find even more evidence of experimentation with the design of the dildo, from brass and leather inventions to more bizarre and edible creations like the breadstick dildo known as Olisbokollix.
Yep, you read that right. The Ancient Greeks really had a sense of creativity when it came to cumming.
Imagine a large hardened breadstick, that’s the sort of naughtiness they were into. To make matters even odder and let’s be honest, only slightly more disturbing, the lube substitute at the time, to ensure you could enjoy your breadstick in all its glory was, of course, olive oil. I mean, what else?
I don’t know about you but I’ll probably never look at a baguette in the same way again…
Thankfully that things have changed in the world of dildos since then. Now you can enjoy the delights of soft silicone or smooth glass against your skin and whether you fancy yours realistic, double ended or with a suction cup attached, you can keep the Warburtons out of your wank.
Thanks to years of innovation and the development of less doughy materials, dildos have been perfected. Today, glass dildos are some of the most elegant and effective dildos you can your hands on, making them a strong contender for the best sex toy.
Take the Icicles No. 5 Blue Spiral Glass Dildo for example. Featuring a semi-realistic-shaped tip that tapers into a thinner shaft, this dildo is adorned with a gentle blue spiral texture for ultimate stimulation. With the ability to warm up and cool down this bad boy, you can dip your toe in the pool of temperature play, plus you have the luxury of not having to worry about battery life and all that jazz. Sounds worth a shot right?
Vibrators
Nowadays, we associate sex toys like vibrators as objects of female sexual empowerment but that wasn’t always the case. The precursor to modern-day vibrators has a pretty sexist history. Vibrators were first created by Victorian doctors who believed masturbation was the cure to women’s problems, otherwise known as ‘hysteria’. What they hadn’t clocked onto was the fact that these women were sexually frustrated, as you might well be in a time where even table legs could be considered risqué and had to be covered up lest your gaze became lustful. If you were a woman suffering from anxiety, insomnia, irritability, answering back to your husband (phahahahahaha) and heaven forbid sexual desire(!), you were medically diagnosed with hysteria, the only cure for which at the time, was manual masturbation… by your doctor, until you came.
Two of the many many problems with this were that A) it was time-consuming and B) doctors began complaining of wrist aches (lol put some elbow grease into it doc/ seems like some things never change).
And so we see the conception of the first vibrator. TA DAA!
Terrifyingly named ‘The Manipulator’ and even more terrifyingly a steam-driven mechanical device offering orgasms to the ‘hysterical’ amongst us, the Manipulator had arrived to put women back in line and protect the precious wrists of doctors all over. One continuous theme we see when it comes to the vibrator is the hilarious guise of their use as medical devices rather than pleasure devices. In a stroke of genius, in the 1960s Hitachi released the Magic Wand “designed to relieve serious back pain” then lo and behold we simultaneously observe a mysterious epidemic of back pain, exclusively developing in women (hehe, go on girls).
Today vibrators come in an even more exciting and less steam-powered variety and we no longer have to fake a medical condition to justify having a wank (yay!) From wearable vibrators (thankfully crafted of medical-grade silicone rather than metal) to finger vibrators and waterproof vibrators, the vibe play options in 2022 are endless.
Undoubtedly one of the best sex toys out there currently is the Lelo Mia 2.
Petite, discreet and beginner friendly, this bullet vibrator is a USB rechargeable lipstick lookalike. Perfectly un-intimidating and inconspicuous in design, Lelo has once again struck gold with this lil lippy. Not only will it tease your clit into climax but it’s ideal for stimulating multiple erogenous zones including the nips and labia.
Next up fighting for a chance as the best sex toy on the market is the delightful wand vibrator. We’ve opted for ye old faithful Doxy wand as you simply can’t go wrong.
Doxy has been a staple for years, it’s a bestseller at Harmony, certain to improve your sexual wellness. Perfect for partnered sex as well as solo play, this wand vibrator is solid, weighty and has a large surface area making it great for massages, vulva and labia stimulation and sending vibrations down their shaft. Featuring multiple delicious vibration patterns with different intensity levels, if you’re looking for a guaranteed good time, this is the one for you. Although it may look intimidating it’s incredibly easy to use and has definitely stood the test of time.
Already got a Doxy and looking for something similar? Check out Le Wand.
Clitoral Stimulators
In terms of standing the test of time, clitoral stimulators are a little tricky as they’re relatively modern sex toys, first disrupting the sex toy landscape in the mid-2010s. True appreciation of the pleasure power of the clitoris is somewhat new, so there’s not a vast history behind our beloved clit suckers. Having said that, there is one absolute gem that highlights how our interest in stimulating the sweet spot goes way, way back.
The story goes that Cleopatra, the infamous ruler of the Ptolemaic Kingdom of Egypt, used a gourd (fruit) filled with trapped bees for a buzzing session of clitoral stimulation. Admittedly, it’s a little dubious. There’s not a whole lot of evidence to back the rumour up but hey, don’t let the truth get in the way of a good story.
Anyway, far from a box of bees are these two tantalising clitoral suction toys from Womanizer and Lelo, both of which are designed to mimic oral sex and leave you fantastically tongue-tied. The Womanizer Premium 2 Clitoral Suction Stimulator features whisper-quiet functioning. In fact, it’s completely silent and doesn’t begin sucking until pressed against your skin, making it a master of discretion. Womanizer has also recently released a beautiful Marilyn Monroe special edition clitoris suction toy to celebrate the elegant icon. I wonder what the iconic Cleopatra would think of it?
Also carefully selected as a contender for one of the best sex toys is the Lelo Sona 2 Cruise Sonic Clitoral Massager Cerise. This clitoral vibrator uses sonic airwaves to deliver unrivalled pleasure, so you can treat your clitoris to 12 powerful vibration settings without the toy directly touching or overstimulating the sweet spot itself.
Perfect for solo play or for handing over to your partner to get you in the mood during foreplay, Sona 2 Cruise is waterproof so can accompany you in the shower and it’s compatible with water-based lube. What more could you want?
Dual Pleasure Devices
Similarly to the clit sucker, dual stimulation devices like the rabbit vibrator haven’t been around for too long, first appearing on the market in the 1980s. Popularised by Sex and the City, and combining the charm of clitoral stimulation with the beauty of a g spot vibrator, there’s no doubt that dual stimulation vibrators are some of the best out there.
When it comes to dual stimulation the best vibrator we can recommend is the We-Vibe Nova 2 rabbit vibrator. Featuring an insertable element – which (get this) is bendable to target your inner sweet spot for toe-curling g-spot stimulation – as well as a second adjustable smaller arm that holds perfectly against the contours of your clit even whilst moving the toy back and forth.
Offering various delicious vibration modes, remote control play through the app and boasting an ergonomic design for your ultimate pleasure. This is the holy grail of rabbit vibrators.
Butt Plugs
Butt stuff, it ain’t that new. We’ve been at it for years.
Our ancestors enjoyed backdoor adventures in numerous ways, both together and solo. Their perpetually inventive natures had them developing methods for anal play a long time ago and the first documented butt plugs are a creation of Dr Young’s from 1893. Similarly to vibrators, butt plugs were not marketed as sex toys. Instead, they were prescribed by doctors to cure several conditions including insomnia, acne and constipation. Lovely!
So how did we make the leap from medical butt stuff to sexual butt stuff? It’s fair to say that at least some of Dr Young’s customers were using them recreationally. Butt, and it’s a big butt (hehe), they hadn’t yet been perfected as the smooth and tapered silicone plugs we know and love today.
It wasn’t until the 1990s that silicone emerged as a body-safe material, more hygienic and easily cleaned than rubber, totally revolutionising the butt plug game. Since then, butt plugs have only gone up.
Our current choice for the best butt plug is the Hueman Meteoroid Remote Controlled Rimming Anal Plug. Offering soft and tender sensations, this thing of beauty sits comfortably in place with the rotating beads in its stem nestled up against your sensitive entry point. Elevate your anal play as you switch between 4 speeds and 6 sensual orgasmic patterns. Simply slather in lube and away you go.
Vibrating Cock Rings
Okay so we can’t date the vibrating cock ring back to 12th-century China but the innovation of a cock ring in – I’ll be very honest – its most basic form does indeed date back that far. Humans are strange and as we’ve seen above, resourceful creatures but this one is the cherry on the cake, or should I say the goat eyelid on the cock.
Yep, that’s right. At some point in time, someone looked a goat in the eye and saw more than just a twinkle. They saw potential, great cock ring making potential…
Don’t look too horrified, they don’t make ‘em quite like that anymore.
But years ago to help men who struggled with erectile dysfunction, the cock ring was fashioned. Crafted of a literal goat’s eyelid, complete with lashes n all.
Presumably, the elasticity of the eyelid was a major attraction, but leaving the hardened eyelashes in place suggests they played a part themselves, potentially providing extra stimulation for the wearer’s partner. We love to see it!
Incredibly, somehow the early cock ring caught on (probably due to its effectiveness) and has evolved into quite something else (thankfully). More sophisticated versions have emerged over the years but the principle remains the same, cock rings have a constricting effect meaning they restrict the flow of blood out of the penis and making erections stronger and causing them to last longer.
If you’re looking for something to do the trick, you’re in the right place.
The Fun Factory NOS Vibrating Cock Ring is an absolute game changer, setting the bar for couples’ cock rings. Specially shaped to sit comfortably in place for a hands-free experience and crafted of high-quality silicone, this vibrating cock ring offers pulsations to stimulate you both simultaneously so you can sync your climax. Delicious stuff.
Strap-Ons
The origin story for the strap-on is not too dissimilar to that of the dildo, after all, they are cousins of sorts. References to these bad boys crop up in a little well-known book you might have flicked through already, especially given that you’re, well… here, reading this, you little minx. The Kama Sutra (300-400 BC) mentions various sex toys with the potential to enhance your sex life beyond belief, one of which is the strap-on. The page-turner instructs men to try a strap-on if they are struggling to satisfy their partner perhaps as a result of erectile dysfunction. Wonderfully, the Kama Sutra encourages and celebrates the ability to satisfy one’s partner through alternative means rather than viewing it as emasculating.
Ideal for all-round satisfaction is Harmony best seller, Loving Joy 6 Inch Beginners Pegging Strap On Kit. Suitable for all kinds of penetrative sex especially anal adventures, the 6-inch semi-realistic dildo is perfect for shy beginners offering toe-curling internal stimulation.
Well, thanks for coming along for the ride!
Now you know how to elevate your masturbation game or your steamy escapades with your significant other to the next level there’s only one more thing to add. When you’re ready and about to get down to it, slather your sex toy in lube, we’d recommend water-based lube as it’s compatible with just about all sex toys. Whether it’s your first time shopping for sex toys or it’s scheduled as part of your self-care routine, shop with Harmony Store, one of the best sex toy retailers for delicious deals on top brands like Tenga, Satisfyer and so many more.
