What if there was a 2021 sex toy calendar
There’s one gift that is a Christmas stocking staple. A Calendar. But why do they always feature such boring, run-of-the-mill nature images? Full of grand, yet tranquil scenic shots. Each glossy image somehow represents the picture-perfect ideology of what that month is all about. A robin redbreast singing heartily in the snow for January; a lush green meadow peppered with buttercups for summer in June. You know the kind of thing.
Don’t get us wrong, calendars are useful. But wouldn’t it be nice to have something a little….naughtier. And no, we’re not talking a load of sex positions from the Kama Sutra, we’re pretty sure that’s been done.
What if there was a sex toy calendar? Each month represented not by a meadow, but by a sex toy. How would it look? What sex toy sums up January or August?
OK, it may not exactly be the kind of family-friendly life organiser you can stick on your kitchen wall. But hypothetically speaking, if a 2021 Sex Toy calendar were to pop up in the local WHSmiths, here’s how we think it could look.
January
All partied out. Broke. And it’s cold and grey outside. January is definitely the month to be reaching for that warming vibrator for some self-pleasure.
One of our favourites is the Boreas from the Dream Toys Goddess Collection. Made of ultra-smooth, body-safe ‘liquid’ silicone, that’s so soft to the touch, it’s almost like the real thing. The heating element in the tip quickly warms to a comfortable temperature whenever you have the urge to play. Plus with 3 intensity levels and 9 vibration modes, Boreas is a G-Spot vibrator that will have you feeling the heat even on the coldest of January nights.
February
If you’re the romantic type, February means Valentine’s Day! In which case, it’s time to bring out one of the best sex toys for couples – the We-Vibe Chorus.
For male and female couples looking to take things to the next level, this wearable vibrator has been designed for maximum pleasure for both parties. The larger arm bends around the body for clitoral stimulation while the smaller arm fits inside the vagina resting against the g-spot with enough space to allow the penis to slide alongside and experience new levels of stimulation. When both sections vibrate, you’ll feel untold sensations against the clitoris and g-spot, and penis, sending you both into orgasmic bliss!
March
It seems there’s a day for everything these days, but one of our favourites has to be Steak and Blow Job Day, every year on 14th March. It’s supposed to be the guys’ answer to Valentine’s Day, because, you know, men do all the romancing and hard work on 14th February, so obviously they then deserve their own meat and oral sex day…
Now we haven’t heard of a steak-flavoured lube just yet, (thankfully!), so maybe keep it sweet when you’re going down with some fruity lubes instead.
April
Another one to mark on the calendar, 18 April is World Anal Day! (Well we did just say there was a day for everything!)
Whether you’re an anal aficionado or it’s your first time, there are lots of ways to bring some anal play into your sex life. Perfect for both solo play and heightening sex with a partner, the Fifty Shades of Grey Relentless Vibrations Remote Control Butt Plug is the perfect sex toy to experience anal pleasure. Made of sleek, soft silicone and offering 10 different vibration patterns with 6 levels of intensity, this butt plug is as versatile as it is arousing.
May
Spring has sprung. Lambs are skipping in the fields and elegant Swans with their Cygnets are gliding gracefully across the waterways. Granted, the ones in our calendar wouldn’t be the feathered kind, more the vibrator versions.
Swan Vibrators are some of the most luxurious out there and we love the Kissing Swan Rabbit Vibrator. Designed to simultaneously excite two of your erogenous zones, the Kissing Swan features a rotating shaft to provide intense massage on the G-spot, while the delicate kissing shape arm provides external stimulation on the clitoris. This is one luxurious vibrator that’s sure to put a spring in your step!
June
Pride month. And is there any better display of Pride than the Avant Pride P1 Dildo, patterned with the iconic rainbow Gay Pride flag?
Avant’s hand-crafted silicone dildo is a thing of beauty. With a strong suction cup base for hands-free fun, its gently curved shaft is great for precision targeting of the prostate or G-spot. Plus its flared base makes it both anal-safe and strap-on harness compatible; all adding up to an incredible way to show your pride!
July
We’re all going on a summer holiday!… Well, with the pandemic, maybe not. So how about a little bit of California Dreaming instead by way of the fantastic range by CalExotics. The Orange County Cutie rabbit vibrator is one of our most popular and it’s no wonder why. With its curved tip, extending ribbed shaft and teasing clitoral stimulator, this powerful thrusting massager delivers incredible sensation and blissful ecstasy.
Rechargeable and 100% waterproof, you can even take it for a dip in the pool for that full summer-fling feeling!
August
The height of summer and lazy days require the ultimate lazy sex toy: anything controlled by a remote. It’s also the time to be hitting the beach or pool, floating in a rubber ring, cocktail in hand. So let’s combine the two with a vibrating cock ring like the Fifty Shades Of Grey Relentless Vibrations Remote Control Love Ring. With two soft and stretchy rings worn around both the penis and scrotum for firm constriction and intense erections, plus a contoured stimulator on top to tease and please the clitoris. Either partner can take hold of the remote, taking control over 10 separate vibration patterns and 6-speed settings in the removable and rechargeable bullet vibrator, creating a wild and enjoyable ride for the pair of you.
September
For anyone with a teacher/student roleplay fantasy, September is definitely your month. Going back to school means an excuse for new equipment, but we’re thinking more spanking paddles for naughty pupils and sexy uniforms, rather than pens and notebooks. Discipline in the bedroom never felt so good!
Our very own Harmony brand leather paddle gets our vote, covered both sides in luxury leather and beautifully embossed with our Harmony ‘O’ devil, this 13″ paddle delivers a truly immersive sensory experience. Part of our luxury Harmony Leather Bondage range, matching accessories, including cuffs, a flogger and ball gag are also available.
October
That spooky month where it’s all about Halloween! Whether you’re hitting the Halloween parties or hosting a party for two at home, it’s the perfect time to dress to thrill in a sexy costume and bring some fun role play to your foreplay.
Go classic with the Dirty Cop costume, Superhero-sexy as a kinky Cat Girl, or treat the Star Wars fan in your life dressed in Princess Leia’s Gold Bikini. There’s plenty to choose from!
November
Urgh, short days long nights as it starts to get dark by 3pm. Time to break out the Fleshlight and let it illuminate the way to greater pleasure! For people with penises, the Fleshlight strokers are arguably some of the best sex toys around with their textured silicone sleeves designed to replicate the feeling of vaginal, anal or oral sex. One of our best-sellers is the Stoya Destroya, and with a variety of intense textures with widths and pressures across 4 chambers, it’s no wonder!
December
Christmas – a time to break out the magic wand for a bit of magical festive cheer! The Lelo Smart Wand 2 ticks all the boxes when it comes to delivering the magic. With a rounded and flexible head that can soothe tired muscles and stimulate your erogenous zones in equal measure, this wand vibrator offers 10 intense vibration settings for maximum pleasure. Use alone for masturbation or with a partner to bring intense foreplay stimulation.
